United States of Attorneys!

I am in USA, or is it United States of Attorneys? Statistics show that 70 percent of the world's attorneys are in USA, with only 10 per cent of the world's population. People here are sue-happy, with 'Sue-me' stickers common on their cars. The second most common sticker seen on cars is 'Hit me, I need money'. The flimsiest excuse is enough for them to file a suit, if it promises plenty of money. And it does not cost them anything to go to courts when the attorneys are ready to fight for you for 'No money now--pay if paid'. Many a millionair's rags to riches story has started in courts, ending with rich awards in compensation. Spilling hot coffee at McDonald's could make you a millionaire overnight, and so could inhaling second-hand smoke while waiting on tables at a restaurant. If you are lucky to find a fly or any living or dead creature in the drink or the dish you ordered, you are sure to make a fortune out of the ordeal. If you are clever enough, you can even bring your own frog to fill the burger, or someone's finger to float in the chilli, though you may not always get away with it. Since personal injuries at work call for the heaviest relief in compensation, employers' premises remain the worst accident prone areas. No wonder, people are scared to hire service for home repairs or mintenance, lest the hired man makes it convenient to get hurt while at work.

The phenominal increase in number of cases coming to courts every day leads one to suspect that law makers and law enforcing agencies are in league with attorneys and seem to serve only one purpose, to make attorneys the most wanted professionals in the US. With laws such as these, how long can one avoid hiring an attorney in his life; a Boston law makes it a crime to bathe more frequently than once a week, while in Kentucky it is a crime to bathe less than once a year, in Florida you violate law if you fall asleep under a hairdryer and in Palo Alto if you stop walking while smoking on pavements.